Renata Goes To Jail

The first time I visited the prison I was scared. I was scared that the women would see judgment on my face, or that they would look at me and know that I was wondering what they did to be put in prison. I prayed on the way there: Jesus let me look at these women with YOUR eyes. Then I stood in the hallway, in front of the bars waiting for the guard to open a gate for me to come in and I felt huge compassion for these women. I saw faces of really messed up people, dressed poorly and very often toothless; and then I felt joy and privileged to be there. It was then that I was scared that I was going to spend my time there crying for these women instead of helping them. Well, God took care of that. The first visit was awesome. I met some very broken people. We have a Gypsy lady, we have ‘white-collar’ women, and we have homeless alcoholics coming to meet with me. I met all sorts of women, all of them from the fringes of society, all of them lost, all of them scared. Only now when I meet with them every week do I learn how difficult it is to break free from the lies and psychological baggage we carry around from our childhoods. God is mighty, and only He can break these chains. Most of the women there have husbands in prison too. Their children are in orphanages because they don’t have anyone else to take care of the kids.

Now, when I’m writing, I am realizing more and more how much compassion I feel for them. When I hear the stories from them directly I see how broken they are.

Last Saturday I went with a team from Kentucky to this prison to celebrate “Kids Day” for these women’s children and their families. The team brought gifts, they had a puppet show, and shared some of their life stories. We taught from Ephesians that our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against powers and authorities….Then we played with the kids and moms and dads and we laughed, forgetting that we were surrounded by bars.

It was the first time that I saw the moms in prison meeting with their kids. Most of these kids are ages 3 – 7 and some are young teens. It took me a prayer and 15 minutes to get myself ‘together’ again.

Every time I am in this prison I realize that only by God’s grace I am not there. Every time I talk to these women I am fully aware of God’s power in my life. I remember times when I abused drugs and alcohol and hung out with wrong crowd. I remember one time sleeping on the bench because I had no place to go…. It is by God’s love and grace that I have beautiful family, that I am alive and I feel such a strong desire and want to tell these women about His beauty, His love, and how He pursues us (this is my message to them: God pursues us). Oh, how much they need to be told that God cares for ragamuffins.

We pray. We study the Bible and I even had the privilege last week to witness one of these ladies accept Jesus into her life. Something happened in her because only Holy Spirit can produce tears; she cried that day during our meeting and discussion about God’s gift of Love.

I still learn to deal with my emotions when I am there. Two weeks ago I couldn’t put two sentences together because one of the women (Danka) shared her story and her journey (she is in Alcoholics Anonymous and her two kids aged 3 and 8 are in the orphanage and her boyfriend is in prison as well). I pray that God will help me balance compassion with my ability to talk to them, to study the Word with them, to help them.

-Renata

the photos below show Renata translating some teaching and a puppet play into Polish and kids playing games with their parents for Children's Day at the prison (this was the first time the organization has ever been allowed to bring cameras into the prison)